Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Remembering Noah @ 6 Years

Noah Langholz     
June 28, 1991 – March 19, 2013

It always pains me to write those dates for my son. Each time that I do, I engrave the fact of his death more indelibly.
This year after a cold winter, our yard is missing the usual outburst of star jasmine blossoms that mark the season with their bittersweet reminders. Instead, there’s a profusion of camellias to float in bowls and the promise of peach, nectarine, and apple trees already in flower. When Noah and his brother Ben were kids, we used to make huge floating platters of camellias. Noah would get absorbed in, almost transfixed by things like that. He resonated with beauty and the ephemeral.

What do we pray for after the person we’ve been praying for is gone?

I wish I’d known this blessing practice, inspired by Buddhist lovingkindness metta practice, when Noah was struggling; maybe I could have sung it to him to soothe his soul:

            May you be safe
            May you be free
            May you have space to simply be
            Ken y'hi ratzon, Ken y'hi ratzon (May it be so, may it be so)
            And may you find your way back home
Would that Noah could have found his way home to his healthy, life-loving self and to all of us who loved him.     
Today on Noah's death anniversary, I send out this blessing to my fellow loss survivors and to anyone else in need.

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