About this blog

My younger son Noah, age 21, took his life on March 19, 2013. If you are reading this, you, too, have probably received the shock of your life and been launched on a horrific journey not of your choosing. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Or maybe you are a friend or a professional trying to support a suicide survivor and understand their experience.

I can’t promise that my journey will lead to healing or help you with your healing, though I fervently hope both are true. What I can offer is my honest witness, in real time, to how it feels to be in the early years of this journey. I sometimes write in the inclusive "we" voice about what I imagine may be the shared feelings of parents who lose children to suicide, or of suicide survivors generally.

I first heard about walking the mourner's path in Anne Brener's Mourning & Mitzvah: A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner's Path through Grief to Healing (Jewish Lights Publishing, 2012). She describes the Jewish tradition of having a separate path for mourners to walk to the ancient temple in Jerusalem so they could be recognized and appropriately treated by the community. I hope this idea has meaning for people of any (or no) faith as we move through this difficult process.

 I invite you to walk the mourner’s path with me and see where our paths may cross. Search the blog for topics that interest you, like guilt, holidays, or suicide prevention, by using the search box at the top left corner. Please feel free to comment on the blog or if you prefer, contact me directly at susanauerbach56@gmail.com or visit my website, www.susanauerbachwriter.com And please check out my book, I'll Write Your Name on Every Beach: A Mother's Quest for Comfort, Courage and Clarity After Suicide Loss (Jessica Kingsley Publishing, 2017).

DISCLAIMER: I am a student, not an expert, when it comes to suicide, suicide loss, grief, mental illness, Jewish tradition (mostly from the renewal and spirituality movements), and other topics discussed in this blog. For the word of experts on suicide, suicide loss, grief, and mental illness, please see the Resources page at the link above the blog Archive (right side of blog).

LEGALESE: All writing on this blog, including poetry, is original work by Susan Auerbach, unless attributed to others. Unless otherwise indicated, all of the text content displayed on this blog is owned by me. If you would like to use a brief excerpt or a single blog post for non-commercial purposes, please credit Susan Auerbach and link back to this blog. For re-use of more than one post, please contact me at susanauerbach56@gmail.com 


  1. I am stunned by the synchronicity. An internet search for the poem "A blessing for the Family and Friends of a Suicide", let me to your site. Our Jessica took her life on the same day as your Noah, March 19, 2015. She was 19 years of age. I am not Jewish, but chose this beautiful Hebrew name for our child. Yes, God beholds indeed. Matty from Johannesburg, South Africa.

  2. I am stunned by the synchronicity. A search for the poem "A blessing for the family and friends of a suicide" let me to your site. Our Jessica took her life on the same day as your Noah, March 19, 2015. She was 19 years old. I am not Jewish , but I chose this beautiful Hebrew name for our daughter. Yes, God beholds, indeed. Matty from Johannesburg, South Africa

  3. This is so fresh for me. My son took his life March 08-2019 . I have looked for survivors of suicide groups in and around my town and found nothing.. There is no death like a suicide of a child . I hurt and ache everyday.. reading some of your posts reminds me I’m not alone , there are other survivors. Thank you for making this site.. Joyce from Alberta , Canada