A
long-awaited day has finally come. With pride and tears, I’m excited to announce
the publication of my book, “I’ll Write Your Name on Every Beach: A Mother’s Quest for Comfort, Courage &
Clarity After Suicide Loss” (Jessica Kingsley Publishers).
Part
grief memoir, part personal essay, part self-help, the book blends my suicide
grief story with quotes from experts, original poetry, and soothing mind-body
exercises to bring light and hope to my fellow survivors of suicide loss. It's intended for survivors; those who care for them, like friends, therapists,
or clergy; and anyone interested in the suicide grief experience or grief
memoirs. I’m grateful to have the endorsement of experts in suicide grief, like Iris Bolton and Dr. John Jordan, who call the book “eloquent,” “intimate and wrenching,”
and “searingly honest” with “extremely helpful tools for better coping
and healing after suicide loss.” You can order the book here and read more
about it below.
(It's hard to articulate the confusing mix of feelings at this moment--a child gone, a book I never would have wanted to write, but given the enormity of this loss, a book I had to write and look forward to bringing to the world. More in future posts, I hope, on this grappling with blessings that may come in the wake of tragedy.)
(It's hard to articulate the confusing mix of feelings at this moment--a child gone, a book I never would have wanted to write, but given the enormity of this loss, a book I had to write and look forward to bringing to the world. More in future posts, I hope, on this grappling with blessings that may come in the wake of tragedy.)
The
book has its roots in this blog and in my lifelong dream of publishing a
personal book that would move people. I started the blog three months after
Noah’s suicide, when I was just emerging from the worst of the shock and
desperately in need of an anchor in the surging, bewildering storm of grief.
Writing for the blog forced me to wring coherence out of the primitive scrawls
in my journal. I couldn’t help bellowing
my pain to the world; I needed a container for my anguish that might be heard and
held by others. And you, my readers, have been so generous to listen to and respond
to that cry, even at its most raw, and encourage me to keep writing. I already
knew many of you and have met more of you through the blog. It’s gratifying when
readers share their own grief stories as we explore this wilderness together,
seeking places of comfort, understanding, and connection.
After
blogging for two years, I wanted to bring my voice to a larger audience in a
memoir. I noticed that most suicide grief memoirs are written many years after
the fact and lack the immediacy of the early years, when the pain, questioning,
and need for support are most intense. I decided to build on the blog to bear
witness to the early stages of suicide grief while reaching out to offer hope to
my fellow survivors. I also noticed that the mainly chronological narratives of
memoirs make it difficult for newer survivors to get through the books and find
the topics they need to cope. So I decided to shape a book around short,
digestible reflections in thematic chapters—on dealing with things like
holidays, physical reactions, and self-blame--that show how each aspect of
suicide grief evolved over time. I reworked and updated reflections from the
blog, adding new material on the circumstances of Noah’s and my father’s
suicides, mental illness, and other topics, along with more experts’ perspectives
and creative or mind-body exercises that I’d found helpful. I was fortunate to
find Jessica Kingsley Publishers, whose list includes many books on bereavement
and mental health.
With
the publication of this book and the start of book talks and other efforts to
promote it, I’ve reached a new level of going public with my story and my
identity as a suicide loss survivor. (So it’s finally time to put my name,
rather than Mourning Mom, on this blog!) On the one hand, I feel exposed and a
little uneasy; how will a broader public respond to this difficult topic and this baring of my soul? On
the other hand, the warm, sensitive reception I was given at a prepublication
book talk was immensely reassuring. As I promote the book, I look forward to
meeting more survivors and others interested in the suicide grief experience.
And I plan to use each public appearance as an occasion to raise suicide prevention awareness in the hopes of catching even one person before they
fall. All royalties from the book will go to the Noah Langholz Remembrance Fund to promote suicide prevention and postvention (survivor support) programs.
I welcome your questions and comments about the book, here or
soon on the Forum of my website (the website is fine but we're still resolving some glitches with the Forum) . And I’d greatly appreciate your help spreading
the word about the book, especially to anyone who has lost family or friends to
suicide, as well as health/mental health professionals, clergy, educators, and
law enforcement who work with survivors, via your personal email lists, social media, word of mouth,
and ratings/reviews of the book on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Goodreads, FB,
etc. You can refer people to my website or to the publisher for more
information. You can also contact me about book talks or public speaking at susanauerbach56@gmail.com
Many
thanks again to all of you for joining me on this journey and helping
to make this book possible! The journey continues on the blog and on my
website, so please stay tuned.
